September 22nd, 2000

WARSTARS,
Shout It Out Loud*
(a KISS tribute band...ha!)
Paris Theatre, Portland OR

* * *

By September, Peter Francis Bolenbaugh III had decided that playing drums wasn't really his thing. In his time away from Warstars, he began teaming up with other musicians in a folk metal project called Free Dirt. Thankfully, that was the time that Kreist Gryndor decided to make his way to Portland and rejoin Warstars.

Andy Warstar had scheduled an upcoming gig at the Paris Theater. This was a bit tenuous considering the Warstars were now without a drummer. Adam Ion volunteered a friend of his named Stone, and the Warstars held practice the day of the show.

Even though Stone didn't know any of the songs, he could keep a steady beat that everyone could play to, so practice went really well. Only problem with Stone was his choice in attire. Andy Warstar told everyone right away that he "wasn't going to play with anyone wearing a tie-dyed t-shirt". No one gave heed to the red warning flag that Andy saw clear as day, and a compromise was reached. The show must go on, eh?

Now perhaps it was providence that led the Warstars to the events that unfolded. Warstars had to purchase 50 tickets for the show and sell them to friends. Every heard the term "pay to play?"

And come showtime, the Paris switched Warstars around in the line-up at least three times. They really yanked our chains. Then it was time to go on.

Warstars were all so pissed off at the venue that with almost no discussion, the band began to play a barrage of sonic noise rock. Warstars did not play any of their rehearsed songs.

Most of the time, all anyone could hear was Adam's Ion's guitar, which clashed with the noise Andy Warstar made on his guitar as he jammed drumsticks under his guitar strings.

Stone, the drummer, didn't play anything like he played in practice. He kept switching time and tempo, complaining that he was "tired". Maybe that trippy tie-die soaked into his flesh and went to his head.

When it came right down to it, only Andy Warstar and Kreist Gryndor played anything worth hearing. There was still that one heckler who kept yelling "You suck!" and "You're the worst band I've ever heard!" over and over. But none of that mattered. The joke was on them. And the Paris. And Warstars had fun anyway.

After the curtain closed, the theatre was relative quiet. Then Andy Warstar stepped out from behind the drawn curtain. Now in front of the audience, he raised his guitar slowly over his head... Kids were yelling "Smash it! Smash it!"

Next thing you know, Andy brought the hammer down and smashed his beautiful guitar (the one he played at the first Warstars gig) into a million pieces! Andy stabbed at it like a dying beast and kicked it off the stage for some kid to run up and grab. Then some other kid started yelling "Yeah! You're the best I've ever seen! Yeah!!" Fuckin' hilarious.

*Warstars had hung their banner over the top of Shout It Out Loud's. As they were taking it down at the end of their set, they knocked over a couple of Shout It Out Loud's fancy guitars, (accidently of course). It can be scary to see how pissed off middle aged butt rockers get. They wanted to kick everyone in Warstars asses! Oh well.

Mission accomplished.

To see the original Concert Promo Flyer, klick HERE...

To see the original ad for the show, click HERE...

To read The Mercury's falsified review of this show, click HERE...